Nine months after my husband died suddenly, I received a phone call from my brother. I’m the youngest of seven and he was chosen to call me in a slight “intervention” type of way.
“The family is concerned with the way you are grieving,” he said calmly.
“Oh really? Well how would the family like to see me grieve?” I replied sarcastically. I really didn’t need his answer, but I was intrigued how he planned on guiding me.
I told him I was happier than I had ever been. That I was following my joy. That I was in a relationship with an outstanding and generous man who loved and deeply cared for me, but his concern didn’t waver.
I understand how haphazard my life looked on paper. It had been nine short months since John had died and I already had recently moved in with a man and was living in San Francisco (the most expensive city in the United States). Despite the fact that I owned an operated two business, he was concerned that I was not properly managing my money and probably worried the relationship would end and I would have played through my reserve. With the best of intentions, he proceeded to tell me the “right” way to grieve.
“You need to follow basic scientific psychology,” he advised.
Scientific grieving…if ever there was a term more opposite to my method, that was it.
I politely thanked him for his concern and proceeded to cry my eyes out.
Although I’m sure the call was sparked by love, I knew my siblings didn’t really know me and they weren’t alone, as several friends held the same fears.
One of my best friends who was also my late husband’s assistant in our office called me several days later when I was at the point of laughing about the call. She knew I was writing about my experience and offered the title, “Unscientific Grieving for Ladies.”
Every cell in my body began to cheer. Prior I was just writing without direction. Now, I knew the purpose.
This series of my blog is to erase the norms, the protocols, and the methods of grieving, be it death, divorce, or breakup of any kind (including a child or parent). It’s to examine who you are and who you want to be. It gives you permission and beckons you to create your own direction.
I will reveal my crazy path, not to guide you in any specific direction, but rather to show you that I did it my way, with a lot of humor that led me to create more happiness than I ever thought possible.
I wish you blessings, tears, and laughter. Enjoy the ride!